Caring for oneself can be easier said than done, especially when simultaneously trying to care for others. The ideas presented in this article are not intended to add “one more thing” to your already lengthy to-do list. Self-care means different things for different people. Waking up and eating breakfast each morning is self-care. Going to the bathroom when you first have the urge, rather than holding it until the last possible minute, is self-care.
Care partners or caregivers are put under stress in their role and have an increased risk of poorer mental and physical health (3). Caregivers notoriously neglect their own needs, so the topic is important to discuss. Caregiver burnout is real and has 3 dimensions (3):
- Emotional exhaustion: “…feeling of overload, of no longer being able to continue, of being emotionally drained when facing the caregiving situation and the care-recipient (Thompson et al., 2014; Goodwin et al., 2017)”
- Depersonalization: “…the detached response in the relationship to the person being cared for.”
- Personal accomplishment: “…the positive dimension of the helping experience…the caregiver may gain a sense of fulfillment through his or her care work and find meaning in it (Cross et al., 2018). In the context of burnout, this positive sense of accomplishment tends to be reduced.”
Oil lamp analogy
Lynn Meinke used an oil lamp analogy to introduce me to the concept of “giving from your overflow”. Your light cannot shine if you give until all the oil in your lamp dries up. You are burnt out.
Your light shines brightest when your oil lamp is full. You have more patience, energy, and clarity of thought. You are better equipped to connect and respond calmly during stressful situations.
When your oil lamp is overflowing, you can share your light with others. When you care for yourself well, you can care for others well.
While self-care is trendy, it can also be unclear. Your preference is a key piece that must not be overlooked. A strategy that works for your partner may not work for you. And that’s okay! It is most important to find a few tools that clear your mind, decrease your stress, and allow you to meet your daily needs.
Here are a few ideas for self-care you can consider:
20 Ideas for Self Care
1. Set clear boundaries and protect them
There are many benefits of setting boundaries in relationships, including increased courage, respect, fulfillment, energy, and satisfaction.
Take physical boundaries, for example. How close can another person get before you feel uncomfortable? What if that person is your partner versus a stranger? How has physical distancing changed the way you feel when six feet of body space is not respected?
Consider the following boundary areas that need to be protected:
- Your time
- Your emotions
- Your energy
- Your own personal values
- Your physical space
- Your productivity capacity
2. Rest in a hammock
This is one of my favorite ideas for self-care!
Take a camping hammock to the park if it is safe to do so in your area. Slow, back-and-forth swinging tends to be calming (linear vestibular input). On the other hand, a fast/spinning motion is alerting (rotary vestibular input). When lying in the hammock, your body gets a hug-like squeeze, which adds an additional calming effect (deep touch tactile and proprioceptive input). Learn more about different types of sensory input here.
Note: When swinging, the vestibular system gets activated. The vestibular system is powerful. The effects of vestibular input, positive or negative, can last for extended periods of time. Signs and symptoms of vestibular over-responsivity include nausea, vomiting, headaches, and flushing of the cheeks.
3. Try 1:2 breathing
*Adverse effects, such as overstimulation, are possible in chronic conditions such as asthma or other forms of pulmonary pathology (4).
1:2 breathing emphasizes a longer exhale for calming (2). For example, breathe in for 4 seconds, then breathe out for 8 seconds. Breathe in through your nose and out through your pursed-lip mouth.
A slow, deep breathing pattern moves you away from the fight-or-flight mode and toward the rest-and-digest mode of operation. Deep breathing activates the ventral vagal nerve network within your Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS) to signal a state of calm (4); you are sending a message to your brain that says it is okay to relax.
Pause what you’re doing right now and give yourself the gift of the slowest, deepest breath you’ve taken all day.
4. Do a jigsaw puzzle
Searching for the fitting piece seems to make the rest of the world disappear. The noise in your brain slows down as you focus on certain colors, shapes, and patterns.
5. Hum or sing along to a personal playlist
*Adverse effects, such as overstimulation, are possible in chronic conditions such as asthma or other forms of pulmonary pathology (4).
Compile a list of your favorite songs. When you hum or sing along to a song, you naturally facilitate a deeper breathing pattern. You exhale for longer periods of time, which calms your system.
Humming activates the ventral vagal nerve network within your Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS) to tell your brain it is okay to relax (4).
6. Make time to rest by asking for help
Do you feel like there is no time in the day just for you? Maybe you have a friend, family member, or neighbor who can help with an item on your to-do list. You can also call the 24/7 Helpline at the Alzheimer’s Association to learn about resources available in your area and brainstorm ideas to make sure you’re getting the self-care time you need (1-800-272-3900). This free Helpline is available around the clock, 365 days a year, including holidays.
When someone helps with a task or provides respite time, remind yourself that this newly open block of time is not meant to be filled with an errand or another chore around the house. You can give yourself permission to just rest. Validate your need to rest and know that rest is productive. After all, you are doing something…you are re-filling your oil lamp.
Add “rest” to your daily to-do list and make sure this gets prioritized as you-time.
7. Get a massage or give a self-massage
Do you live with a partner who can give you a calming massage? Do you prefer self-massage? Either way, the deep touch pressure input is generally a highly tolerated and calming form of sensory input.
Target the areas of your body that hold tension from stress, such as the shoulders. Also, focus on the areas of your body that engage in repetitive actions throughout the day. For example, the small muscles within your hand that spend a lot of time working while typing or texting.
8. Play a wind instrument
*Adverse effects, such as overstimulation, are possible in chronic conditions such as asthma or other forms of pulmonary pathology (4).
Did you learn to play the recorder in elementary school music class? The screechy sound of the wind instrument is pretty horrid, but has stress management benefits (for the performer). Other wind instruments include the flute, harmonica, trumpet, bagpipes, or my favorite…the saxophone!
Similar to 1:2 breathing, singing, and humming, playing a wind instrument creates longer exhalations. This deeper breathing pattern facilitates activation of the ventral vagal nerve network within your Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS), telling your brain it is okay to relax (4).
9. Move your body
Go for a walk, ride a bike, do some chair yoga, take 3-minutes to dance to your favorite feel-good song. Physical activity first thing in the morning allows you to start your day with a focused mind as you get more oxygenated blood flowing to your brain.
Physical activity at any time of day releases feel-good chemicals inside your brain (neurotransmitters called endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin) (1). These brain chemicals play an important role in regulating your mood. Consult with your healthcare provider to find out what type of physical activity is best for you!
When exercising your body, you also exercise your brain!
10. Create a mandala
Mandalas are intricate and beautiful visual meditations that can decrease stress. There is no right or wrong way to create a mandala. They can be hand-drawn, colored, painted, or designed with other creative materials. How beautiful and unique is this fruit mandala?!
11. Watch your favorite show or movie
What movie makes you laugh so hard to the point of tears? What is your favorite childhood movie that you have not seen in years? Grab your favorite movie snack and curl up in your coziest spot. Immerse your mind and enjoy the film!
12. Get out in nature
Spend time barefoot in the grass, go fishing, hike a new trail, pick wildflowers, star-gaze, observe wildlife, skip rocks across the lake, swim, identify cloud formations, or search for four-leaf clovers.
Time spent in natural green spaces can reduce heart rate and blood pressure while increasing relaxation, a sense of safety/calm, and holistic well-being (5).
13. Read a book
Find time during your day to take a break from current events. Let your mind escape into a leisurely, adventurous, or romantic novel. Read something just-for-fun that ignites your imagination.
14. Give yourself a true lunch break
This is one of the ideas for self-care that is not highlighted enough.
It can be so easy to multitask during meals: scrolling social media, completing work documentation, calling the doctor, checking the news, driving to your next location, etc. Regular lunch breaks can improve productivity, mental well-being, increase creativity, and also allow time for other self-care practices.
A client who experiences cognitive fatigue found a 30-minute lunch break is the key to maximizing her afternoon productivity at work. She previously thought a “working lunch” would help her get more done when in reality, it depleted her energy more quickly over time.
Take your lunch outside or sit in your quiet car to eat. Advocate for your lunch break. See this break as precious time that allows you to care for yourself and increase your productivity by fueling your body and brain.
15. Practice formal mindfulness
Formal mindfulness requires a lot of practice and mental training. It is a structured practice that involves dedicated time to sit, lay down, or walk with a meditative intention. Mindfulness has its roots in a Buddhist meditation technique that slows down racing thoughts while increasing awareness of the mind, body, and breath.
Mindfulness practice, even 15-minutes daily, can improve emotional processing (intensity, emotional memory, emotional attention bias) (8). Mindfulness research consistently concludes positive health benefits, including decreased stress reactivity, decreased negative feelings associated with depression and anxiety, and increased emotional balance (8).
“Mindfulness is [the] awareness that arises by paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally (that is, suspending judgment). Mindfulness involves training in attention, awareness, concentration, and compassion. You come to know and understand yourself in a deeper, experiential way.”
Mindful Living for Health and Happiness
16. Practice informal mindfulness
Learn to be fully present while doing daily activities such as eating, brushing your teeth, talking to a friend, or reading this blog. Pay attention to the full experience. Take toothbrushing for example:
- Notice the flavor of your toothpaste
- Observe the feeling of the bristles on your teeth, gums, tongue, and cheeks
- Notice how you grip and hold the toothbrush
Informal mindfulness is one of the ideas for self-care that is effective for mental training and yielding associated health benefits.
17. Journal
You can write freely, use a prompt, or journal about a topic. Write about your feelings, your concerns, your gratitude. Set a timer for 5- or 10-minutes or write a list of 3 things as a start. Voice-to-text or other forms of technology also work well if you cannot access handwriting.
18. Talk to yourself positively
Have you seen the YouTube video of the little girl standing on her bathroom sink, confidently shouting positive messages to her reflection? “I like my hair! I can do anything good!” What positive things do you say to yourself every day? Here are a few examples of positive self-talk:
- I am caring.
- I am brave, bold, and beautiful.
- I am kind to myself and others.
- I am worthy.
- I speak up for myself and others in a helpful way.
19. Make sure your basic needs are met
Set the foundation of a balanced nervous system by optimizing your sleeping and eating routines. It is easier to become dysregulated when tired or hungry. Adults age 18-64 years old need 7-9 hours of sleep each night. Older adults (65 years or older) need 7-8 hours of sleep.
In addition to balanced and wholesome meals, try a crunchy or chewy “sensory snack” that increases calming proprioceptive input through the jaw (i.e. raw veggies with hummus, apple slices with nut butter, pretzels, granola bars).
It is helpful to see basic needs on a list of “ideas for self-care” because it reminds us that everyday things are enough. Some days you do not have time for anything “extra”. There is no shame in that.
20. Receive mental health support
Every single person can benefit from mental health support. No one is exempt from the range of emotions humans experience as daily life ebbs and flows. It is healthy to acknowledge the good that happens every day. At the same time, tough stuff is inevitable. Problems of all sizes can bring about feelings of grief, sadness, heartache, anxiety, uncertainty, overwhelm, depression, etc.
What style of mental health support feels best for you? Do you have strong social support from clergy or church members (9)? Can you access professional clinical services from a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or marriage and family therapist? How about a professional certified coach?
Find someone who can help you work through the tough stuff. No one is meant to do it alone.
What is your self-care preference? What is or is not working for you? What fills your oil lamp so your light can shine its brightest? What other ideas for self-care work best for you? Comment below!
References:
- da Silva, L.A., Tortelli, L., Motta, J., Menguer, L., Mariano, S., Tasca, G., de Bem Silveira, G., Pinho, R.A., & Silveira, P.C.L. (2019). Effects of aquatic exercise on mental health, functional autonomy and oxidative stress in depressed elderly individuals: A randomized clinical trial. Clinics (Sao Paulo), 74. doi: 10.6061/clinics/2019/e322.
- De Couck, M., Caers, R., Musch, L., Fliegauf, J., Giangreco, A., & Yidron, Y. (2019). How breathing can help you make better decisions: Two studies on the effects of breathing patterns on heart rate variability and decision-making in business cases. International Journal of Psychophysiology, 139, 1-9. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijpsycho.2019.02.011
- Gerain, P. & Zech, E. (2019). Informal caregiver burnout? Development of a theoretical framework to understand the impact of caregiving. Frontiers in Psychology, 10(1748). doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01748.
- Gerritsen, R.J.S. & Band, G.P.H. (2018). Breath of life: The respiratory vagal stimulation model of contemplative activity. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 12(397). doi: 10.3389/fnhum.2018.00397.
- Hansen, M.M., Jones, R., & Tocchini, K. (2017). Shinrin-yoku (forest bathing) and nature therapy: A state-of-the-art review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 14(8), 851. doi: 10.3390/ijerph14080851.
- Porges, S.W. (2009). The polyvagal theory: New insights into adaptive reactions of the autonomic nervous system. Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine, 76(2), S86-S90. doi: 10.3949/ccjm.76.s2.17.
- Porges, S.W. (2007). The polyvagal perspective. Biological Psychology, 74(2), 116-143. doi: 10.1016/j.biopsycho.2006.06.009.
- Wu, R., Liu, L., Zhu, H., Su, W., Cao, Z., Zhong, S., Liu, X., & Jiang, C. (2019). Brief mindfulness meditation improves emotion processing. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 13(1074). doi: 10.3389/fnins.2019.01074.
- Pickard, J.G., Inoue, M., Chadiha, L.A., & Johnson, S. (2011). The Relationship of Social Support to African American Caregivers’ Help-Seeking for Emotional Problems. Social Service Review, 85(2), 246-265. doi: 10.1086/660068.
DISCLAIMER: Although I am an occupational therapist and the information compiled is based on years of training and clinical experience, this is NOT a place for skilled therapeutic intervention. The ideas presented on this website and in products are for informational/educational purposes only and are not medical advice.
A website does not replace an individualized plan of care developed as the result of assessment, clinical observation, and collaboration between therapist, client, and care partner(s). If you are concerned about the cognitive, sensory, or functional abilities of yourself or someone you know, then you should talk with your physician or your therapist.